Prologue: Rain. So…much…rain. As the rain continues to pour down, a scenario emerges in which humanity’s only hope is to rebuild an Ark, to survive the oncoming floods. As there is limited space and only certain people will be able to secure a spot on Ark 2.0, you must use your skills and knowledge gained from All Attributes Fitness to survive…
With the Ark boarding process starting to begin, you must choose, how will you approach the scenario, knowing that your life and future is on the line?
If you decide to use your Strength and Power - scroll to scenario 1.
If you decide to use your Agility and Reflexes - scroll to scenario 2.
If you decide to use your Endurance and Energy - scroll to scenario 3.
If you decide to use your Intelligence and Wit - scroll to scenario 4.
If you decide to use your Charisma and Persuasion - scroll to scenario 5.
If you decide to use your Vitality and Stamina - scroll to scenario 6.
If you decide to use your Toughness and Guile - scroll to scenario 7.
If you decide to use your Willpower and Determination - scroll to scenario 8.
If you decide to use All Attributes - scroll to scenario 9.
Scenario 1
You are a beast. A human “bull” if you will. Therefore, you showcase your incredible strength to the Ark selection committee, and they agree the likes of your abilities are unmatched. In a space saving move, they decide to allow you to join the ship, as long as you agree to fight the actual “bull” (the animal) already on the ship. You agree. A Thor vs Hulk type battle ensues with awesome special effects and near death escapes, etc etc. In the end, you are standing. All is well. You join the ship. Unfortunately, 8 weeks into the journey, a deadly virus has broken out, which is determined to be from the gore and spectacle that exploding a live cow might entail. The ship is slowly whittled down as the virus wipes out all on board. You are the last to fall, and as you spasm out of this world you look back to the fight that started this all…and declare to the vast emptiness, “Rosebud”… You were clearly delirious.
Happy Halloween from All Attributes Fitness!
Scenario 2
You are fast, real fast. You knew before they did, there was going to be a line, and you knew you were going to be first in it. As the Ark committee called for the last available seats to be given out, you were on your toes and ready to roll. For some reason the committee decided a free-for-all, Far-and-Away style seat grab race was the way to go, and you knew you were a shoo-in. The race starts, and you easily dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge your way through the chaos, zig-zagging past the masses and to an easy first place finish. Your speed and prowess were legendary. Also legendary, the malice toward your greatness… You barely had time to relish in your victory before you were ganged up on by the other jealous and embarrassed participants of the race. Legend tells of a Matrix-like dodging of bullets and a showcase of speed unlike any ever seen, but in the end…it was too much. In the new world, you are memorialized in statue…on the spot your bullet-ridden body finally faltered.
Happy Halloween from All Attributes Fitness!
Scenario 3
A flood you say? Limited space on the boat? Pssh…you have no time for such trivial concerns, as your level of endurance allows you to swim…indefinitely. Rather than worry about the chaos and certain death that awaits from the melee to get a boat seat, you are determined to brave the flood waters with nothing more than a small set of inflatable swimmies. As the flood waters and new world ocean order come to pass, you spend your time treading water and using all the ocean feels fit to provide to survive. As the months turn to years, and the years to decades, your endurance gives way to a genetic mutation, and you grow the ability to breathe water, and process it for its nutrients. Once the waters finally subside, your now vibrant community of fish-people live happily ever after. Ha, just kidding. The “landies”, as you now call the descendants of the “boat people”, hunt you for sport…in a most dangerous game. After numerous bloody engagements and 10 years of war, your people are all but extinguished, and your final resting place is above the mantle in a log cabin, with your head singing bad show tunes when someone walks by.
Happy Halloween from All Attributes Fitness!
Scenario 4
You know exactly what to do. You always do. Rather than worry about the boat and the remaining seats, you begin work on your cloning and genetic enhancement facility. Using knowledge and expertise available to you at the time, you determine that the only way to survive a global flood scenario will be to create an army of Kevin Costner’s character in WaterWorld…the Mariner? (really? Mariner? I had to look that up…is that his name?…or like, a description of what he does?..I’ve never actually seen it). Anyway, where was I?…oh yes, the Mariner. Your experiments quickly come to fruition and your clone army of Kevin Costner’s is unleashed. They look to you as a father figure, and obey your every command. Your first command is to commandeer the Ark, to use as you see fit. The Costner army quickly overcomes all aboard the Ark, and you are victorious. As you bask in the glory of your accomplishments, you realize that the world now consists of only you, and nothing else but Kevin Costners’. A fate…worse than death.
Happy Halloween from All Attributes Fitness!
Scenario 5
Talking your way onto the ship was easy…kids stuff really. Everyone you meet is simply a palette you paint on. You are able to shape their thoughts and wants with a mere glance. As you use your charm and personality to befriend the entire ship, you quickly become one of the most liked people aboard. So liked in fact, that before you know it, you are being asked to run for a spot on the selection committee, who decide the fate of humanity. After an easy victory to a seat on the committee, you are soon asked to head the entire thing. The fate of everyone you know, or would ever know, is now in your hands. Deciding who lives and who dies is no easy business, and the stress begins to build. This was something you were not prepared for, as you like everyone, and everyone likes you. Eventually it is all too much, as you simply cannot handle the emotional stress of all these decisions. Your body is found alone, among pictures of those you were forced to doom… The cause of death. Sadness (so deep).
Happy Halloween from All Attributes Fitness!
Scenario 6
You asked for a place on the Ark, and you received it. You were surprised at how easy it was honestly, but it still felt justified. As the weeks on the ship go by, everything seems normal, until one day you run across the files for all persons aboard. Out of curiosity you check your own file of course, only to discover news most distressing… You drop the open file on the ground, and back away into the arms of 2 armed men,…who drag you off never to be seen again…
The file notes read: “Subject X - Pinnacle of human health and wellness. Standard to which all others are judged. Body, mind, spirit, handles everything well. Lives life to the fullest. Fate: human guinea pig to be poked and prodded, to serve as future cloning genetic material, or as needed for scientific advancements of future humans.”
Happy Halloween from All Attributes Fitness!
Scenario 7
Takes a licking but keeps on ticking. Not just a Timex. That’s how you’ve been described on numerous occasions. This “global flood” thing is just going to be water off your back…literally. You apply for the boat…they deny you. You are not phased. You simply get to work chopping down trees and construct your own vessel of grit and determination, metal and brawn. While you never really find out the fate of the Ark that denied you, you never care to. You use your steely determination and toughness to last on your own, just you and your family…for decades to come, in the new wilderness of the global ocean. Obstacle after obstacle is overcome in a lifetime of adventures. Decades come and go and you mark the time with new scars from your battles. You are last seen facing down a giant Mer-Bear (fish-man-bear), with just your bare hands. You become a Legend of the Fall…
Happy Halloween from All Attributes Fitness!
Scenario 8
Make it so. Not just for Captain Picard, but also your mantra. Determination and force of will bend to you like a spoon in the Matrix. There is no situation you cannot overcome, this one included. To get on the Ark, only the best of the best can be allowed, and you decide you will be THE best. There is a great 80’s montage of you training in the gym, improving skills a little at a time, whilst also showing a clear passage of time and your continual improvement. This montage is super inspirational and amazing… It includes other things like failing a bit, only to succeed the next time, and so forth. After this montage, the people of the Ark welcome you with open arms, simply amazed at how you’ve met all their requirements in the short time given. Another montage is shown of you on the ship, living your life, from young to old, your new responsibilities and daily life, etc. At some point you realize the horror that you live ONLY in montage, and have somehow become stuck in an infinite loop of one. There is no escape, only a life of continual small improvements over time set to a sweet soundtrack (most likely featuring Kenny Loggins or Survivor).
Happy Halloween from All Attributes Fitness!
Scenario 9
Cheater. You have the combined skills of all attributes, and have no need for someone else’s plan…. You use your strength and speed to build a bigger and better Ark…and you do it in half the time. Your improved endurance allows you to work double time, and you use your superior intelligence to engineer a ship that can fly….instead of sail. Your charisma is key in convincing all the best people from the Ark to come with you, and your natural leadership abilities makes you the easy choice to command the ship. Your perfect health allows you to easily overcome the difficulties of space travel, as your body and immune system are strong enough to resist space bacteria and anti-grav conditions. You will need toughness sooner than you think, as aliens have become aware of your advances in technology and space travel, and you must fight through them to survive. The odds are against you,…but through sheer force of willpower and determination, you are able to prevail. Your new space Ark safely shepherds humanity through your entire lifetime of 147 years, and you die knowing that humanity will carry on thanks to your efforts.
Happy Halloween from All Attributes Fitness!
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